UNHINGED EP 7: Wedding Planning Isn’t Stressful (And Other Hot Takes)

Wedding planning doesn’t have to be stressful.

Lindsay, what?!

I’ll say it again for the people in the back: wedding planning doesn’t have to be stressful.

In this episode of Quit Your Job, Sis: Unhinged, I share my hot takes on all things wedding planning:

• Your wedding planning mindset – you control whether it's stressful or not
• Nailing down your (and your partner’s) priorities – this helps you set a budget and focus on the things that you and your partner really value
• Why we’re doing a first look and private vows
• One thing about me: I will be snacking; a rant about the fact that we WILL be eating the food we selected for our wedding day
• In-laws/parents helping to pay for your wedding – you don’t have to do what they want just because they’re helping fund your budget
• Why I think wedding favors are completely overrated

Whether you’re planning a wedding or have just gone through it, I’d love to hear your thoughts. Do you think wedding planning is stressful?

Listen to this week’s episode to hear some unhinged thoughts on planning my wedding, what the process looks like, and why it's not as stressful as everyone claims.

Transcript

[00:00:59] Lindsay: Hello, my loves. In true unhinged fashion, we are not going to be talking about business today at all. We are going to be talking about wedding planning. I've done a couple of rants on my Instagram stories about the wedding planning process, and most of you guys loved it, so I figured, why not make it a whole podcast episode?

[00:01:23] For those of you who don't know, if any of you don't know, I'm getting married in April of 2024. And I have a few hot takes about the wedding planning process that I am going to share today. So, why not dive in with my hottest wedding planning take? And that is that wedding planning is not stressful. And to be fair, I'm not done with the process yet, so maybe I'll feel differently as we get closer to the wedding.

[00:01:52] And I'm sure it gets stressful the week of and maybe the few weeks before, but the entire process is not stressful. I think we go into it thinking it's going to be stressful, so then we make it stressful. I went into the process of planning my wedding, deciding it wasn't going to be stressful, and it has not been.

[00:02:14] At all. Okay, to be fair, we have a pretty long engagement, so... If you had a short engagement, I think that would also add some stress to the process, but by the time we get married, we will have been engaged for a year and a half, so we had plenty of time to plan everything, but we are doing a destination wedding, so it adds a little bit of complication that it's not local to us like we can't visit our vendors in person and do all those things, right?

[00:02:47] But we also don't have a wedding planner, and so we are doing it, figuring it out, you know what I mean? There are two reasons why I think wedding planning can be stressful. One, because you're worrying about things that don't actually matter. And two, because you are caring about what other people think, and you're letting other people's opinions stress you out.

[00:03:12] I think those are the only two reasons why wedding planning would be stressful, but it does not have to be that way. I went into the wedding planning process with the mindset that it's not going to be stressful. And I think that's so important because I think so many of us go into it with the mindset that it is going to be stressful, and then we make it stressful, right?

[00:03:35] But because I went into it with a mindset that this is not going to be stressful, I'm going to let this not be a stressful process. I'm going to let it be an enjoyable process. When I start to notice that I'm feeling stressed, I'm like, "What's going on here? What am I doing? What is it that I'm worrying about that doesn't actually matter? Whose opinion am I letting into my brain?" 

[00:03:57] And really, those are the only two times where I ever find myself getting stressed out, and then I'm just like, "Oh yeah, that's not a priority for me. I don't need to be stressed about it." Or I just, like, stop sharing. One thing I have learned is to just not share a lot of what you want to do with other people because then they're gonna give you their opinion, and then it's gonna stress you out.

[00:04:19] I haven't really shared a whole lot about what Brendan and I are planning for different aspects of the wedding just because I don't want other people's opinions. I don't need them. I know what I want, and that's all that matters because it's my fucking wedding. So, why am I going to stress myself out with everyone and their mother telling me what I should and shouldn't be doing on my wedding day?

[00:04:43] I'm not. I'm not going to do that. And let me tell you, it's been a lovely process. Another thing, this is something that somebody recommended to me, and I would highly recommend anyone who is engaged to do it as well, is to sit down with your partner and figure out what's most important to each of you. Your top three to five priorities on your wedding day.

[00:05:08] And that's going to help you to figure out, A, your budget and where you want to prioritize your budget, But B, it's also gonna help bring you back down when you're getting stressed about something, and then you remember that it's really not something that was high on your priority list and therefore it's not worth stressing it out.

[00:05:32] So, for Brendan and I, our highest priorities, mine was like photographer and videographer, music matters to both of us and then honestly, I think our honeymoon was the third in our top three. It wasn't even related to our wedding day, but what matters to us is capturing those memories, having great entertainment so that everyone has a good time, and going on a really nice honeymoon because this day is about the fact that we're getting married. It's not about the flowers; it's not about the centerpieces. I couldn't give two shits what our centerpieces look like; I couldn't give two shits if our chairs have covers on them.

[00:06:17] So going into it, I knew like dessert, like it didn't matter to me that we had this big expensive cake, things like our invitations and our save the dates. It didn't -- those were not high on our priority list. Yes, they matter. And yes, I'm going to make sure I have invitations that I like.

[00:06:37] But I'm not going to spend a ton of money getting really fancy invitations because that's not something that matters to me. So, that's also been really helpful because then when I do get other people's opinions about what I should do and, you know, someone is sending me all these ideas for what to do for my flowers.

[00:06:57] It's like, yeah, all of that is great, but flowers are not a priority for me. So I'm not going to be spending that much money because we're not budgeting that much money for flowers cause it's not high on our priority list. I'm literally doing the bare minimum for flowers.

[00:07:12] I'm doing bouquets for me and the bridesmaids. I'm doing a floral arrangement for our sweetheart table. And then for the centerpieces, I'm going to have some flowers, but I'm not getting them through a florist cause it's expensive. I'm getting them at Costco. Literally. We're not doing a cake we're doing well; I'll keep it a surprise what we're doing.

[00:07:36] Although I don't know if I already have told anyone, we're not having a cake. Because, again, that didn't matter to us. You have to know what matters to you, and that really is going to help you to set your budget and not stress out. And then remind yourself, when you catch yourself stressing about something that's low on your priority list, remember that it's not worth stressing about.

[00:08:01] It's literally just not because it's not important. So, that's been really helpful. But anyway, wedding planning isn't stressful. Most of it is just finding vendors. And that doesn't have to be stressful at all. You just go to their website, email them for quotes, compile a list of all the vendors, compare them, narrow it down, and figure out which one you want to go with, and you send them a deposit.

[00:08:27] And then, once it gets closer to the wedding day, we got to go over all the logistics with them. Up until now, that's really all that we've had to do. And we're at a point where there's nothing for us to do right now. And I keep kind of feeling like, "Am I forgetting something that I'm supposed to be doing?"

[00:08:45] But no, there's nothing for us to do until it gets closer to our wedding day. And then it's just figuring out all the logistics of the rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner and the wedding day and the timeline of everything and all of that small stuff, but most of the wedding planning, I really don't think is that stressful.

[00:09:07] And that's my hot take on that. Okay, here is another hot take. Maybe it's not so much of a hot take anymore, but I feel like a lot of people make the wedding about their guests, and it's like the wedding is actually for your guests. It's not, it's not for you. Yeah, no. My wedding is about me. My wedding is for me and about me, period.

[00:09:34] Now, I care about my guests. I want to make sure people have a good time. I'm really glad and thankful that all of our friends and family are going to be there and it matters to me that they have a good time at my wedding, but it does not matter more to me that my guests enjoy my wedding than it matters to me that I enjoy my wedding and that I have the best day of my life.

[00:10:02] I'm not gonna design the day around what I think my guests want because, first of all, it's impossible. You're never going to please everyone. I'm sure going to be somebody at my wedding judging the fact that I don't have more flower arrangements. I'm sure there's going to be someone judging my centerpieces.

[00:10:20] I'm sure there's going to be someone judging my dress or the food or whatever. And I don't give a damn because I love my dress, and I love the food, and I don't care about the centerpieces enough to stress out and spend a ton of money on them. Because that's not what matters to me.

[00:10:39] What matters to me is getting married and spending the day with people that I love. And that's really what it's about at the end of the day. So anyway. Yeah, I'm designing this day thinking about myself and what I want, and I'm certain that my guests are also going to have a good time, but it's about me.

[00:11:02] It's not about my guests. It's really not. So many people say that the bride and groom don't actually eat at their own wedding because they don't have time because they're so busy just welcoming all the guests and going around the room and going table to table. Yeah, I will not be doing that.

[00:11:22] I will be eating the food at my wedding. I did not fly down to Charleston three months ago to do a tasting and handpick the hors d'oeuvres and entrees that I'm going to have at my wedding to not eat them. Because that shit SMACKS, let me tell you, and I will be eating it. I don't need to go table to table. Well, first of all, I'm going to be at my own cocktail hour because I don't want to miss out on the hors d'oeuvres and the drinks at cocktail hour.

[00:11:52] So I'm planning my day around, again, this is what matters to me. It matters to me that I'm able to attend my own cocktail hour. And so I'm planning the day around that. But yeah, like, I'll say hi to you at the cocktail hour, but I'm gonna sit, and I'm gonna eat my dinner. Thank you very much. Oh man, I hate that.

[00:12:14] Anytime someone tells me, "Oh, you're not gonna have time to eat, I'm like, no, bitch. You better believe I'm gonna have time to eat." One thing about me is I will be eating. So, I guess we can also go over some of the things I'm doing for my wedding that may be a hot take or things that people probably have different opinions on.

[00:12:40] Like I said, I want to be at my cocktail hour, so therefore, I want to get all of our pictures done before the ceremony. Therefore, we will be doing a first look. Which I know isn't really that much of a hot take anymore. We also want to do custom vows, but we are going to be doing them privately right after our first look instead of at the ceremony.

[00:13:06] We're just going to have regular ass vows at the ceremony because I don't think either of us would truly say what we want to say to each other when in the back of our minds, we know that literally everyone we know is going to be sitting there listening and watching us. And I feel like that's gonna affect how we would each write our vows, and so we're gonna do them privately because, again, the day is about us; it's not about our guests.

[00:13:35] And it matters more to me that Brendan and I say what we genuinely want to say to each other on our wedding day than it does that our guests hear custom vows. Another thing that just grinds my gears when it comes to weddings is when the couple that's getting married is not religious. But then, they're having a religious ceremony because their families are religious, or their parents are either making them do it, or they just feel like they need to do it, or else their families are gonna judge them.

[00:14:13] Absolutely fucking not. I'm not here to put on a play for you. And listen, there are people on both sides of our families. that are religious, but neither of us are. Brendan and I are not religious people. So it would just be so fake for us to stand there and have a religious ceremony when neither of us are religious.

[00:14:37] And not only fake, but it would just be like, this isn't-- why am I? I would feel like I'm putting on a play, and that's not what I want to do on my wedding day. And also, because some people are like, well, my parents are paying for the wedding, so I gotta do what they want. No. If you are paying for somebody's wedding, if you're paying for your child's wedding, you should not be paying for it because you want to have control over what they do at their wedding.

[00:15:01] You should just be paying for it because You want to out of the kindness of your heart; don't dictate how they have their-- no, absolutely not. I don't care if my parents were paying for the wedding. I'm still going to do what I want. And if they're not going to let me, then I'll pay for it myself.

[00:15:16] I'm not going to have you holding that over me. No, and you shouldn't. If you're paying for someone's wedding, that just pisses me off. Anyway, It's not about you, bitch. I don't care if you're paying for it. It's not about you; you already had your wedding day. So yeah, we're not gonna be having a religious ceremony.

[00:15:36] What else are we doing? We're not really doing a grand entrance. I don't think. I don't think we've officially decided yet. But I think we're just gonna kinda casually stroll on up into our cocktail hour. And just kinda hang out with everyone. We're not doing a cake. I already said that. Oh, favors. Favors.

[00:15:59] We will not be doing those either. Listen, someone asked me about this one on my Instagram story, and I went off, but I need you to be so fucking for real with me, okay? You have never gone to a wedding and gotten a favor and been like, "I'm so happy to have this." No. 90 percent of the time, you forget the favor, and you leave it there because no one cares.

[00:16:23] The only type of people who would be offended by not getting a favor at a wedding is someone who I don't give a fuck if they like me or not. If you're gonna come to my wedding, and you're gonna be thinking about-- I've never in my life gone to a wedding and thought about what I'm gonna get as a favor.

[00:16:44] Usually, I forget that favors are a thing, and then I'm like, why are they giving me this? What? They're so unnecessary. I'm not spending money on something that the majority of people are gonna leave there. Or, even if they take it, they're not gonna give a fuck about it. I can't tell you how many koozies we have from weddings we've been to, and it's like, great, it's cute.

[00:17:05] But if I didn't get one, I wouldn't have had a second thought about it. They're so unnecessary, in my humble opinion. Yeah, we're not doing favors. I feel like there are so many things about weddings that are just so pretentious for no reason. And I just want my wedding day to be real.

[00:17:26] Real life, me, getting married, us spending the day with the people that we love and drinking and eating and dancing and having a good time. And that's what matters to me. So, I'm not going to stress out about anything else. And maybe the reason why I don't find wedding planning stressful is because I'm a very low-maintenance bride, I feel like.

[00:17:50] And because there are just so many things that I'm like, I don't care about that. And so if you're someone who really cares about all those little details, then yeah, it's probably going to be stressful for you. But still, it doesn't have to be. I think it depends on the mindset you go into it with.

[00:18:05] And you can decide it's going to be fun and exciting instead of stressful. Another thing that also has helped is delegating the things that don't matter to you. So it's not only like, "I'm not even going to stress about that." It's like, "I'm not even going to think about it 'cause I'm going to have somebody else make that decision for me."

[00:18:24] Cause there are so many decisions you have to make. So if there's one that you really don't care about, let somebody else make it. There are a lot of things that I'm probably just gonna have my maid of honor decide for me because the reason I made her my maid of honor is that she has a really good eye for all of the little details that I don't care about, and so, you know, I'm letting her make decisions about a lot of those things because I don't care.

[00:18:52] Or I've seen people who have to; luckily, my venue didn't even make me do this, but you have to pick your place settings. And the type of silverware you're gonna have, and how they're gonna fold your napkin. I'm like, bro, I don't give two shits. I think they actually did go over that with us when we were doing our tasting.

[00:19:13] And he was like, we can fold your napkin this way, or we can have it cascade, or we can do it. And I'm like, you do you. You do whatever your heart desires. Because I don't give a fuck what my napkins look like on my wedding day. So let the vendors decide, let your maid of honor decide, let somebody else decide on the things that just really... I'm not going to stress myself out figuring out what I want our place settings to look like.

[00:19:41] That shit doesn't matter. Oh, another thing, too, that I wanted to say is to tell your vendors what matters to you and what doesn't matter to you, right? So, again, it matters to me that I'm able to be, like, in the moment on my wedding day. And so, for me, it doesn't matter to me if we get all of those posed pictures. Yeah, I want to have some that are posed, but some people spend so much time taking pictures while they're getting ready with their bridesmaids, and everyone has a matching robe on or whatever. And they're doing all these posed positions, and I feel like that kind of stuff is going to take me out of just like being present and being in the moment.

[00:20:29] I would rather just have candid pictures of us getting ready and us sitting there, getting our hair and makeup done, probably drinking some mimosas. I would rather have those kinds of pictures for my wedding day and minimal posed photographs. Because again, it also matters to me that we get all the pictures taken before the ceremony.

[00:20:53] So, when I'm thinking about, okay, where can we save time on photography and videography, it's like, I don't need to do a thousand post photos with all of my bridesmaids. I really don't. I'd rather just have actual photos of what was happening during the day while we're getting ready to look back on those memories; that's what matters to me.

[00:21:14] And so that's something that I'm going to make sure my photographer and my videographer know. I also was talking about this the other day with some of my bridesmaids; it really matters to me that I get a lot of candid videos and pictures just capturing, like, people's reactions to things.

[00:21:37] Which might sound weird, but it's like, I feel like I'm gonna be, I mean, I'm gonna be busy, I'm gonna be getting married. So I feel like I'm gonna miss out on seeing everyone's reaction to different parts of our ceremony, to our first dance, to the speeches. I wanna make sure that my videographer isn't just capturing us and what's happening but is also capturing people's reactions.

[00:22:04] And so I was also telling my bridesmaids, I'm like, "I really want you guys to take your phones out and record... probably not during the ceremony, but during the reception record everything that's happening because I feel like it's going to go by so fast and I'm going to miss out on so much of it.

[00:22:20] And yes, I do want to have a video of Brendan and me throughout the day, but I also want to capture all those moments of everybody else and what their reactions are and what's going on throughout the day. So that's something I'm gonna tell my photographer and videographer that I want captured. For the music, I'm gonna tell our DJ I want people dancing.

[00:22:47] I don't want... I want our reception to just be a vibe the whole time. I actually don't know if I want any slow songs at the reception. I just want people to be having a good time. And honestly, most of the people there are our age, so I'm probably gonna tell them to just play 90s and early 2000s bops, because that is what the people want, you know? And yeah, maybe that's not what some of the older people who are gonna be there want, but it's not about them. And honestly, I can live with Brendan's uncle not being on the dance floor the whole night.

[00:23:34] But I want us and all of our friends to be having an amazing time. And mostly us, having an amazing time because that's what fucking matters. So, tell your vendors what matters and what doesn't matter to you. And you can also probably save some time and, honestly, money on...Again, it goes back to your budget and figuring out your priorities. Figure out what's most important to you because that's what most of your time and money is going to go into, and then everything else you can spend less time and money on because it's not what's going to matter to you at the end of the day.

[00:24:13] It's not what you're going to remember. It's not what your guests are going to remember. Yeah, this got me really excited for my wedding, but if you guys want more of my wedding hot takes? I'll leave a box if you're listening on Spotify; there will be a box where you can submit your questions or just topics you want me to rant about because I'm happy to do a part two.

[00:24:33] If you're not on Spotify, DM me on Instagram, @lindsaymhanson. I'm always down to rant about wedding planning because I just think people make it so stressful for no damn reason. It's so pretentious for no reason. And I have a lot of opinions about it, but thank you guys for listening. Let me know what you think about my hot takes if you agree or disagree, and I will talk to you guys in the next unhinged episode.