Best of Ep 7: Thought Work Model / Dealing With Stress

Do you always feel stressed out after work, or do you feel like bad things are always happening to you? Maybe you’re just looking for a better way to deal with stress. 

I’ve got news for you: it's all about your mindset. You can control whether you have a good day or a bad day. 

How? Your thoughts determine your reality. 

Read that again. 

Your thoughts determine your reality. 

It sounds scary, but it doesn’t have to be. Our thoughts are what cause us to have certain feelings about an experience. 

When we can control our thoughts, we can control our emotions and choose to feel different things. When you can control your feelings, you can control your experience. 

Flying in an airplane doesn’t have to be stressful. Sitting in traffic doesn’t have to be an inconvenience. Having a bad day at work? You can turn it around with the simple power of thought.

It takes practice. In this episode, I dive into the thought work model and discuss how every situation we’re in is inherently neutral; it's our thoughts that make the experience good or bad.

First, you must recognize the thoughts causing the negative feelings. Then, you can learn to change those thoughts. 

REMINDER: Just because a thought is in your head doesn’t mean it's the truth. 

It’s time to experience less stress and live life with more joy and intention. 

If you’re ready to learn how to control your thoughts and have less stress in your life, then you won’t want to miss this week’s ‘Best Of’ episode!

UPDATE: Lindsay no longer offers free coaching calls, but you can apply for private coaching here: http://lindsayhanson.com/apply

Chapters

• 2:25 The key to life
• 3:31 How your thoughts determine your feelings and experiences
• 8:08 Choosing your own experience
• 11:32 Changing your thoughts to feel less stressed during busy season
• 18:04 Life coaching maybe your answer

Transcript

[00:00:58] What is happening, my loves? Today I want to talk about how we create our own realities, but before I even get into that, I just want to say some stuff on my mind, and I just feel compelled to say it. So hopefully, whoever needs to hear it is listening right now, but I just want to say that you are good enough.

[00:01:33] You are worthy just because you are. Just because you exist. Just because you're here, you are worthy of everything you desire. You're worthy of love; you're worthy of money; you're worthy of success. You are more than enough just because you are, and you're not doing anything wrong. You are exactly where you're supposed to be right now, and everything is happening for you.

[00:02:06] I think we put so much pressure on ourselves sometimes; let's just let go of the self-doubt, let go of the self-judgment, let go of the obligation of feeling like we should have done something or we shouldn't have done something, or we should be doing something different because you are perfect exactly as you are.

[00:02:30] You're not fucking it up like you're okay. You're safe, you're good, you're worthy. Okay? I just felt like that needed to be said, so I hope you heard it if you needed to hear it. Okay. We're going to dive into this, and this is what I like to call the key to life because that's truly what it is. It is a framework that explains how our brains work, emotions work, and how we literally create our own realities, and I cannot take credit for this; I believe the person who came up with this model is Brooke Castillo, who created the Life Coach School. She has a podcast. She is amazing. So you can follow the Life Coach School if you want to hear more about this. But this is the model that she teaches, and I have found it to apply to every situation ever, and it's changed my life.

[00:03:32] So it's the model I use with my clients now as a life coach. And I am going to teach it to you today, and it is the key to life. So here's the thing, here's the key. All circumstances that happen in our lives are neutral. Nothing that happens is either good or bad until we make it good or bad until we decide it's good or bad until we have thought about it that it either is good or bad.

[00:04:04] So, let me think of an example. The example that always comes to mind for me for some reason is traffic. I don't really know why. This is always the first example to pop into my head. But traffic, right? There's a lot of traffic. It's rush hour; you're on your way to work. Traffic in and of itself is not good or bad until you decide that it is good or bad.

[00:04:29] If you're sitting in your car, you're like, 'there's so much traffic. I'm going to be late. I hate everyone. This is, this shouldn't be happening.' Then you're going to feel frustrated; you're going to feel annoyed. You're going to think that that situation is bad and negative. Or you could just be chilling in your car, like listening to your music, just cruising.

[00:04:50] Just having a great fucking morning and not think that it's a problem, that there's traffic. It's not a problem until we decide it's a problem. So flying is one area where I see this most in my life. So I have had a fear of flying and flight anxiety for years, and it's something that I'm working on.

[00:05:18] Every single time I fly, I get better at dealing with it, but the thing is, flying is a neutral circumstance, right? Flying is not good or bad. Flying is not stressful or relaxing. It just depends on how you're thinking about it, and that will dictate your experience. And so, for me, the thoughts I have when I am on an airplane are: "This is terrifying. Humans are not meant to be up this high. What if something goes wrong? Turbulence is scary. Turbulence means something's wrong. Turbulence is a problem. Get me off this flight. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it." But I know plenty of people who love flying, and they tell me that they find it relaxing and they find turbulence soothing, and I'm like, I cannot fucking imagine finding it soothing. My goal is to one day be able to fall asleep on a flight because, at this point, I get too anxious on flights ever to be able to sleep without some hardcore drugs. But the thing is, the person sitting right next to me on the same exact flight and I could have had two very different experiences on that flight.

[00:06:31] It all just has to do with what is happening in our heads. And so for someone who finds flying relaxing, and their thoughts are, "This is relaxing, turbulence is soothing, can't wait to get to my destination. I love flying. I get to chill, I get to relax, I get to sleep." Whatever it is, they're just excited.

[00:06:53] They're just chilling. They're going to have a very relaxed, calm, great experience on that flight, probably. Whereas I am going to be freaking out, and I'm going to be scared, and I'm going to be nervous, and I'm going to be super anxious, and I'm going to get off that flight and be like, “holy shit, that was terrifying. I hated it.”

[00:07:10] But somebody else could have a completely different experience. So it is not the circumstance. It's never the circumstance. It's always your thoughts about it that create your feelings and therefore create your experience. So the circumstance, the neutral circumstance, I like to think of it as at the top of this list.

[00:07:31] So, what are your thoughts about it? So a neutral circumstance happens, and then you have a thought. You have multiple thoughts about that circumstance, and your thoughts are going to determine how you feel about it, right? So that's what we just went through. But the point is that your thoughts determine how you experience the situation. The situation itself does not determine it because the situation just is what it is. It's always neutral. So, the reason why this is great news is because that means that we are in control of our experience. We're literally in control of how we feel, and we're in control of whether we have a good experience or a bad experience.

[00:08:16] We're in control of whether we have a good or bad day. We're in control of whether we have an amazing or shitty life. We are in control of that, and we don't always get to choose what happens to us. We don't always get to choose the immediate thoughts that run through our mind, but when we can learn to observe our thoughts instead of immediately accepting the initial thoughts, the default thoughts that run through our brains of traffic is bad, traffic is a problem, traffic sucks. I'm going to be late to work. Once you can observe those thoughts that are making you feel frustrated, making you feel annoyed, and making you feel whatever your emotion is, then you can change those thoughts. Therefore, we can change your feelings, and therefore we can change our experience.

[00:09:04] We literally get to choose. We get to choose. You have the power to choose how you feel, and it just takes learning this model, learning this concept, and learning that you have control over your thoughts and that your thoughts are what create your feelings, not the circumstance, which can be a really hard idea to wrap your brain around because.

[00:09:28] There are so many circumstances that happen that we just have a gut reaction to, and we think, "Oh, that happens, and it's bad. That happens, and it's negative." But it does not have to be because nothing is a problem until we decide it's a problem until we make it a problem. Here's the thing; here's what I've realized.

[00:09:47] Here's what I know to be true. Stress, any form of stress, is always a result of us resisting the circumstance, us resisting reality, us thinking it should be different, thinking that it's a problem, thinking that whatever's happening is bad the way that it is, instead of accepting the way that it is and saying, okay, this is happening. It's fine; it's okay. It's not a problem. That is where all stress comes from, so the key to feeling less stressed and happier. Like this is the key to happiness, you guys. This is why this is so fucking important. This is why life coaching is always the answer. It's always the solution to any problem. Because the thing is only a problem because we're thinking it's a problem.

[00:10:35] This is the key to life. I cannot stress this enough. This is why I'm so fucking passionate about what I do. If you can identify the thoughts that are making me feel stressed out right now, you can identify those thoughts and then decide what you want to think instead. How do you want to feel when you're sitting in traffic?

[00:10:54] Do you want to feel stressed out, or do you want to just not give a fuck because you can't change the situation anyways? So wouldn't you rather feel calm? Wouldn't you rather feel happy? Wouldn't you rather be like, "Cool, maybe this is an extra 10 minutes that I'm not sitting at the job that I hate," or "Cool, it gives me some time to listen to this podcast or to listen to this music that I love, or to drink my coffee and eat my breakfast?" Whatever you do in the car, I don't know. I don't commute to work, so I don't know why this is the example I thought of, but when you can change your thoughts, you can change your feelings and your experience.

[00:11:30] You can literally change your life. This is how this shit works. It's so powerful. And a really great example of this is stress. And one of my clients, this is what we're working on. We're working on stress, and we were working on particularly her stress at work, right? So for all of you in busy season right now, I feel you, and you may not believe me when I tell you that the busy season doesn't have to be stressful, but it does not. It doesn't have to be stressful. It's all the way that you are thinking about it. So the busy season, the circumstance of you have a lot of tax returns due by April 15th or you having to finish an audit by a certain date, whatever it is, is not objectively good or bad.

[00:12:15] It is what it is, right? And one person might love busy season. They might love being "busy." They might be like, "Thank God I'm not sitting here with nothing to do. I love what I'm doing. I could do this shit all day. Busy season means that business is booming, things are good," and that could be their experience or it could just be a neutral one.

[00:12:38] You don't necessarily have to love the busy season, but what if you could be neutral about it? What if you could just be indifferent and not feel stressed out about it? Right? Let's think about a circumstance where, you know, let's say you just got 10 funds in, and you have to finish these returns by the deadline.

[00:12:57] If your thoughts are. "Oh, my God. We're never going to get this done on time. We're going to be here all night. We're going to stay late. We're going to have to stay late all week. This is stressful. We're so busy, there's so much to do," and you're frantic and stressed. Then you're going to feel frantic and stressed out, and then your feelings create your actions.

[00:13:15] Right? So the action that you're probably going to take is that you're going to be doing your work frantically because you think you have to try to get everything done as soon as possible and, oh my God, there's so much to do, and you're going to be rushing. And the result is you're probably making mistakes in your work and will miss things.

[00:13:34] You will have to go back and rework things, and you can create even more work for yourself. And then it just becomes a cycle, right? You become even more stressed because now you have even more shit to do. And so what if we could change those thoughts? It's not only a matter of changing that experience from something stressful to something neutral or something positive, but you actually end up changing the results you get.

[00:14:03] So if you are instead thinking. "Everything's going to get done. Like this isn't life or death, everything's fine. It's just a busy season. It'll all get done. Nothing is wrong; nothing is a problem." Then you're going to feel calmer; you're going to feel more relaxed. You're not going to feel so stressed out. And the result of that is you're not going to be doing your work frantically, and you're probably going to be much more productive and make fewer mistakes and get your work done sooner.

[00:14:32] And what is the result of that? You don't have to stay at work late. You can actually go home early today. You could get everything done a few days before the deadline, and then you won't even have that much to do come April 15th, and your experience of the busy season will be much less stressful.

[00:14:50] So much less stressful. For example, I was never stressed out during busy season. Do you know why? Because my thoughts were, "None of this matters. I don't give a shit about taxes. I don't even really care whether or not this gets done by the deadline." I really just didn't give a shit, so I was not stressed out.

[00:15:09] I'm not saying that that should be your thought process. If you genuinely like accounting and enjoy what you're doing, you're probably not listening to this podcast. But you can enjoy your work and care about it without being stressed out just because you have a deadline and a lot to do before then.

[00:15:27] The key is always the thoughts, and we get to choose those. We get to control them. Once we have mastered observing our own thoughts and identifying those thoughts that come up because we can't always... our thoughts are default throughout the day. So we're not; we can't always identify the thoughts that are going on in our brain, but when you're feeling a certain way, you can take a step back and be like, "Okay, why am I feeling this way?"

[00:15:50] And like I said, all stress is a result of us resisting reality, resisting the circumstance as it is, and accepting it as it is. So whatever situation you're in gets to be okay if you decide it's okay and not a problem. But the good news is we get to choose our thoughts, and therefore, we get to decide to think and feel differently.

[00:16:12] Once you get this, your life will always change forever. There's no going back. There's no going back. Once you realize that you're in control of your experience and you can't blame how you feel on other people or other things, then you have to take responsibility for that, which can be shitty sometimes, cuz sometimes you wanna just be like, "well if that person would stop acting the way they are, then I'd be happy."

[00:16:35] But is that how you want to live your life? Do you want to rely on other people always doing what you want them to and the situation always working out perfectly for you to be happy? I don't! I would never fucking be happy because that's not how life works, you know? But you can literally control how much happiness and fulfillment, and joy you experience once you learn this.

[00:17:01] And that's not to say that you should never feel bad and that negative emotion is bad because it is not and needs to be processed. But I don't know about you, but I don't want to live my life and let my happiness depend on other people and the situations that are placed on me because I don't have control over that, right?

[00:17:20] But this is the essence of life coaching. This is the key to life. This is the formula for how our brains work and how we create our own realities. And I'm excited to share it with you guys. And it's really a framework that you can start implementing into your life and at least, at the very least, start observing your own thoughts and realizing how they are making you feel.

[00:17:44] But just because a thought is in your head doesn't mean it's the truth, and it doesn't mean you have to believe it. You always get to decide which thoughts stick and which thoughts you want to believe. And I suggest choosing the ones that serve you and not those that make you feel stressed out, sad, frustrated, and annoyed.

[00:18:04] So if this blew your mind, if you were like, 'holy shit, I've never thought about it this way. This changes everything. I want to know more. I want to go deeper. I wanna know how to apply this to my own life.' I mean, I have had so many people, once they learned this concept, tell me, "Holy shit, I've been going to therapy for years. I have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, and this is the best advice I've ever gotten. This is what actually changed everything for me." 

[00:18:34] I'm telling you, life coaching is the answer. Life coaching is always the answer. I believe that with all of my heart and soul, and I'm not saying that therapy is bad therapy won't help you in therapy. I go to therapy myself, like going to therapy. But if you have been going to therapy, feel like you've been trying so many things, and still experience a lot of stress and anxiety in your life, coaching might be the answer for you, Sis. Coaching is the answer for you.

[00:19:03] It always is. So if you want to learn how to apply these concepts to your own life, you can feel less stressed, be more productive, and get more shit done, not just at work, but start doing more of the things you want to be doing. Imagine the impact that not feeling stressed out at work would have on your life.

[00:19:24] Because I know for me, If I had a stressful day at work, which the day wasn't stressful, it was, oh, it's always my thoughts about it. But if I felt stressed out all day at work, I would still come home and be under that stress, right? I couldn't just come home and relax, just come home and be productive on the personal things that I wanted to get done.

[00:19:44] I would come home and vent to my friends and family about how stressed out I was, and I would still be living in the stress of the day for like the rest of my night. So if you want to experience less stress in your life, I'm going to leave a link in the show notes where you can book a free de-stress coaching session.

[00:20:07] This is a free hour-long coaching session to help you apply these concepts to your own life, to the specific situations that create stress in your life so that you can cut that shit out so that you can experience more happiness, more calmness, more relaxation, less stress, be more productive. It's going to change your life.

[00:20:29] So if you want to see if coaching is the answer, click the link in the show notes and book your free session, Sis. I got you. As always, I appreciate you for listening; so happy you tuned in today. This helped you see things differently and made a positive impact on your day and on your mindset.

[00:20:51] Hope you have an amazing week. If you loved this episode, please take a screenshot, post it on your Instagram story, and tag me @lindsaymhanson; I would love to know you listening. Love to know your thoughts, and I will talk to you next week.